My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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