they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
