how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
