She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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