i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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