I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this will be a night to untag.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
