On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
