she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
