there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
