maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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