How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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