If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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