I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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