i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
