my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
