i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't deserve a penis
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
