dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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