I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
