sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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