i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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