we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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