Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
