when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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