The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
