so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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