I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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