i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
