Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
