I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
this is an emotional support booty call
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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