Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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