I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
