I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
