my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
