I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
