How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
worst night to have a conscience
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize