I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
