Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
