Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
