You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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