Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
