I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
