Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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