i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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