I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
