do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize