I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
