Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
