I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
