there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
