last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
