Please, let me fuck your mom
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
