After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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