I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize