I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
