His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its not stalking. its research.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
