she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
