I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
