Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
