It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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