I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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