update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize