I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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