I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We left the knife in your bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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