Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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