i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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