if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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