I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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