dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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