Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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