I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize