if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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