they need to just BURY HIM!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
