ugly people sure do ruin things
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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